If you have nothing at all then you have nothing to lose.
This is the flawed philosophy I carry around like a tonne of bricks tied to my back. I don’t believe I willingly choose this state of thinking. Sometimes thoughts simply become you – a result of all your experiences.
Are we not the total sum of everything that made us? (or unmade us?)
I saw a picture last night of a young boy. His skin was practically touching bone and his eyes were deep black pools. It was as if no soul existed behind his face. Like it had been sucked away by circumstance.
We are all born into different circumstances.
I was born into a circumstance where food was given to me as comfort, and eyes were given to make me uncomfortable.
He was born into a circumstance where food was rarely given, and I’m sure that is more uncomfortable than the unhappiness I feel when I look into the mirror.
I think about food and what it’ll do to my hips.
For a long time I never truly considered the millions of souls dragging their hips along the dirt, gasping for breath.
I wonder about the tears they would shed if shown my local grocery store. I also wonder about the reflections I stop to stare at in every mirror of every store. How I examine every curve, every line, every fold.
And lastly, I think about how I never stop to consider, the beauty of a nourished soul.
Black hue against a constant blue
you choke the day and wait for the end
The sun is forced to retreat as you stalk the stars and call them out to play
You never did ask if I was ready to wake
I sat upon a day
and the Dawn flinched at my weight
“How heavy you are my dear” it whispered
“Lay your burden onto me”
And so I breathed a sigh of relief
and gave birth to a terrible storm
The clouds circled, catching my cries
like a desperate child, seeking sustenance
And when it was finally over
my eyes skipped around wildly
Expecting to find the damage
and stumbling upon a rainbow
Who am I
if I am no longer dominated
by the notion that I must fix god’s genetic mistake?
Who am I without the mission to mould me
into that which I would be proud to have made?
Who am I without the journey to unfold me?
To see the past as a living anguish that has been triumphed over
by that future woman
standing on her pedestal of contentment and admiration
The magnificent aesthetic
does move back and forth
ebbing and flowing
like a song
and a dance
The droplets in my mind did drip the ails of time
I grasped the cloth of freedom
and wiped the wet away
How pristine it looks now
Oh the many things I can paint
on this bare
surface of mine
The potential for colour
ignites a feeling
not felt in years
Oh how I thought those tears would drown me
Oh how I thought the years would end quickly
I thought my story was a purposeless palette
What a picture I have made now!
projected on the cinema screen
And it does not matter anymore
if I’m the only one in line
if only one ticket is sold
It does not make my movie unworthy of Time’s reward
and it does not make my time wasted behind the camera
On the Menu for Today
Warm raspberry bowl with a crunchy twist: 1/2 cup of whole oats with almond milk. A dash of golden syrup, frozen raspberries to melt and almond flakes.
Blueberry Crunch Smoothie: Frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, Greek yogurt, protein powder & 1/2 cup of granola.
Food for the mind: 7 habits of highly effective people- Today’s Advice: Stay present in everything you do. Do not focus on the end result as your present life will suffer for it.
The words you say, you try to live
but the mask you wear becomes a play
a matinee that nobody came to watch
Past performances dance behind your eyes
But do not let the ballerina’s linger on your pupils
prancing around to yesterday’s song
The dance of these days, long have gone
The curtain called twenty years ago
and still you await the crowd
Your’e better than waiting
for a red rose at your feet
You gave birth to your rose
not so very long ago
Treasure her my sister
she will be a garden for you
Zara Top & Polka Skirt
Coyo Cacao Coconut Yogurt with Strawberries & Flaked Almonds. Granola Smoothie with raw Cacao, Organic coffee,Almond milk & Whey Protein
The key to having a good day is starting it right. I make sure I am always up an hour and a half before I leave for work. WHY am I so insane?
Because it actually keeps me sane. The working day has a habit of becoming an endless working week without the actually living your life part. I make sure I spend enough time in the morning paying attention to how I look and what I am eating. While I eat, I usually read a self-help book to give me some daily wisdom. I am currently reading Ekhart Toll’s A New Earth.
I have scars that only strawberries can fix
Big, fat, juicy ones that I picked myself
when your scent hits my nose
For it knows the cuts I bare
and promises to be gentle
Don’t follow me into the garden
This one I planted for myself
You said it and it stayed
and there it did remain
playing out for always
like a movie marathon
And all I wanted was to read you, a poem of forgiveness
Perhaps this is the poem you were always meant to hear
I forgive you
you did not know
how the weeds would grow
and suffocate the flowers
that wanted to bloom
And when they piled on the dirt
and that putrid smell rose
it filled my nostrils and escaped my eyes
till all i could see was the disgust outside
I think it was meant to be this way
I’ve made friends with the weeds
and forgotten about the flowers
there are trees
that line blue rivers
which house secrets inside
Swim with me now
and I know I will not drown
You have kept me afloat
of this I have no doubt
and so once more-
I forgive you because,
despite it all
it is you,
who I adore