Beauty & Starvation

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If you have nothing at all then you have nothing to lose.

This is the flawed philosophy I carry around like a tonne of bricks tied to my back. I don’t believe I willingly choose this state of thinking. Sometimes thoughts simply become you – a result of all your experiences.

Are we not the total sum of everything that made us? (or unmade us?)

I saw a picture last night of a young boy. His skin was practically touching bone and his eyes were deep black pools. It was as if no soul existed behind his face. Like it had been sucked away by circumstance.

We are all born into different circumstances.

I was born into a circumstance where food was given to me as comfort, and eyes were given to make me uncomfortable.

He was born into a circumstance where food was rarely given, and I’m sure that is more uncomfortable than the unhappiness I feel when I look into the mirror.

I think about food and what it’ll do to my hips.

For a long time I never truly considered the millions of souls dragging their hips along the dirt, gasping for breath.

I wonder about the tears they would shed if shown my local grocery store. I also wonder about the reflections I stop to stare at in every mirror of every store. How I examine every curve, every line, every fold.

And lastly, I think about how I never stop to consider, the beauty of a nourished soul.

 

 

 

 

The Day

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I sat upon a day

and the Dawn flinched at my weight

“How heavy you are my dear” it whispered

“Lay your burden onto me”

~

And so I breathed a sigh of relief

and gave birth to a terrible storm

The clouds circled, catching my cries

like a desperate child, seeking sustenance

~

And when it was finally over

my eyes skipped around wildly

Expecting to find the damage

and stumbling upon a rainbow

 

 

An Ode to Insecurity

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Who am I

if I am no longer dominated

by the notion that I must fix god’s genetic mistake?

~

Who am I without the mission to mould me

into that which I would be proud to have made?

~

Who am I without the journey to unfold me?

To see the past as a living anguish that has been triumphed over

by that future woman

standing on her pedestal of contentment and admiration 

 

A worthy palette

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The magnificent aesthetic

does move back and forth

ebbing and flowing

like a song

and a dance

The droplets in my mind did drip the ails of time

and yet

I grasped the cloth of freedom

and wiped the wet away

How pristine it looks now

 

Oh the many things I can paint

on this bare

clean

untouched

surface of mine

The potential for colour

ignites a feeling

a jolt

not felt in years

Oh how I thought those tears would drown me

Oh how I thought the years would end quickly

I thought my story was a purposeless palette

What a picture I have made now!

this movie

this song

projected on the cinema screen

And it does not matter anymore

if I’m the only one in line

if only one ticket is sold

It does not make my movie unworthy of Time’s reward

and it does not make my time wasted behind the camera

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breakfast Beauty

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On the Menu for Today

Warm raspberry bowl with a crunchy twist: 1/2 cup of whole oats with almond milk. A dash of golden syrup, frozen raspberries to melt and almond flakes.

Blueberry Crunch Smoothie: Frozen blueberries, frozen strawberries, Greek yogurt, protein powder & 1/2 cup of granola.

Food for the mind: 7 habits of highly effective people- Today’s Advice: Stay present in everything you do. Do not focus on the end result as your present life will suffer for it.

Curtain Call

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The words you say, you try to live

but the mask you wear becomes a play

a matinee that nobody came to watch

~

Past performances dance behind your eyes

But do not let the ballerina’s linger on your pupils

prancing around to yesterday’s song

The dance of these days, long have gone

~

The curtain called twenty years ago

and still you await the crowd

Your’e better than waiting

for a red rose at your feet

~

You gave birth to your rose

not so very long ago

Treasure her my sister

 she will be a garden for you

 

 

Morning Rituals

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The key to having a good day is starting it right. I make sure I am always up an hour and a half before I leave for work. WHY am I so insane?

Because it actually keeps me sane. The working day has a habit of becoming an endless working week without the actually living your life part. I make sure I spend enough time in the morning paying attention to how I look and what I am eating. While I eat, I usually read a self-help book to give me some daily wisdom. I am currently reading Ekhart Toll’s A New Earth. 

Strawberry

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~

I have scars that only strawberries can fix

Big, fat, juicy ones that I picked myself

Therapeutic delight

when your scent hits my nose

For it knows the cuts I bare

and promises to be gentle

Don’t follow me into the garden

This one I planted for myself

~

The words we say without knowing

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You said it and it stayed

and there it did remain

playing out for always

every day

like a movie marathon

And all I wanted was to read you, a poem of forgiveness

Perhaps this is the poem you were always meant to hear

I forgive you

you did not know

how the weeds would grow

and suffocate the flowers

that wanted to bloom

And when they piled on the dirt

and that putrid smell rose

it filled my nostrils and escaped my eyes

till all i could see was the disgust outside

But again

It’s ok

I think it was meant to be this way

I’ve made friends with the weeds

and forgotten about the flowers

and look!

there are trees

that line blue rivers

which house secrets inside

Swim with me now

and I know I will not drown

You have kept me afloat

of this I have no doubt

and so once more-

I forgive you because,

despite it all

it is you,

who I adore