Today I want to talk about strangers.
We live in a world full of strangers. They walk amongst us, thinking all sorts of thoughts and guess what: You’re never going to know what goes on in another person’s head.
Just stop it, right now. Stop thinking that you’ll ever know anything outside of yourself. It’s an impossible feat. A task unworthy of your time and energy. When it really comes down to it, we are all strangers on a train to nowhere. Maybe you think they have got it all figured out. You know who I’m talking about. Them. They. Others. Not you basically.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Shout it out loud if that helps. The smartest person in the room is the smartest person in the room because you gave them that title. At this current moment in time I work in a profession where everyone is clawing for that title in particular. I sit in the back of every staff meeting watching the birds pick at each other, grasping for worms.
Sometimes, when the moment drifts and their voices mute I can see right through the walls to the trees outside. The wind scrapes against the leaves and wisps by my face with an exciting aura of unpredictability. That’s when I know they have no idea.
I’m back. I smile, and I know what really matters. Me. My thoughts. The mirror that makes me is the one I choose to look at, not the other way around.
As I continue to listen I am no longer afraid of my own voice. My mouth opens. I speak. And it really does not matter what these strangers fucking think of me.
Girl talk is not about what we say to other girls
It is about what we say to ourselves
It is what happens when we see mostly mirrors
and stitch words into our skin
as though we were taught
right from the beginning
to wear the whispers of other people
I have become accustomed to solitary days
like the leaf that says goodbye
without meaning to fall away
I’ll remember how I wanted to tell you everything
rummaging around in my head
I’ll remember the crumbs I gave you
and the tears that threatened to shed
I’ll remember how I locked it all away
and let you speak instead
-Mother & Daughter in the café
I am not a Princess
I am the Queen of all my days
and the King of all the time that is left
for I do not bow to Fools
or laugh at the Jester who impedes my way
I walk this day as one walks in grass
sunken feet into the dirt
green shards between my toes
and I know that I am home
This life is a dance
in a sea of knives
when it is easier to sting
than it is to be kind
I sit in the corner of my bedroom
knees clasped firmly against my chest
asking myself why I’m so afraid to be small
When I wander around the city
and see skyscrapers rise
I consider how small we all are
and wonder why we try so hard to be big
I don’t want to spend money
I want to spend time with you
playing games like they use to
in those movies
from the eighties
when a song and a hairstyle fixed everything
I want to drink wine and talk about the wind
how it feels against your face
I don’t want to spend money
I want to spend my life looking
around at all the places
on all the smiles that we made
There is a bravery that comes from being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see what the world has done to you and you, in turn, to the world. Too often people spend time pretending they’re perfect. They lie to their mirrors and tell their eyes that they’re ok. Eyes are the biggest liars in the world. They see only what they think you want to see but they do not show you what must be witnessed.
Witness the homeless man on the street corner without drugs you presume he takes.
Witness the children, starving on television screens and don’t convince yourself they’re actors in some Oscar winning scene.
Witness the lie of those whose mouths curve upwards, when you make a joke at their expense.
Remember that pain is not often witnessed, by indicators you have grown up to believe.